Things to never say to a pregnant woman (or any woman, for that matter)

Compiled from my experiences and the experiences of other mamas I know:

• "Wait, are you PREGNANT? Oh, I just thought you were getting fat!"
• "Oh my god, WHEN are you DUE? You are HUGE!"
• "Are you having a girl? Oh, a boy? Yeah, you look like you're carrying a (insert favorite gender here)" Seriously, folks, you have a 50/50 chance - just ask the gender.
• "Wait, you don't know the gender?!? What on earth is WRONG WITH YOU?"
• "Are you sleeping now? Because you are never going to sleep again!"
• "Well, once the baby's here you will NEVER be able to do (insert the thing you are doing right now...)"
• "Are you having twins?"
• "You work now, but you won't work after the baby comes, right? I mean, children need to be raised by their parents and only their parents!"
• "Is your baby going to be, like, 10 pounds?"
• "Let me tell you all about my 72 hours of labor and delivery in incredible detail, even though I don't know you!"
• "Do you want to hear about how I pooped on the table when I had my kid?"
• "Aren't you excited/thrilled/happy?"
• "Are you OK? You're walking funny!"
• "Oh, you're not delivering at THAT HOSPITAL, are you? They don't have (whatever seems important to that person)!"
• "Well, you've hired a doula, midwife, lactation consultant and postpartum counselor, right?"
• "Oh my GOD! You didn't do (this test, this class, this exercise, etc)! That was the ONLY thing that helped me get through my 72 hour long labor and delivery!"
• "Wait, are you going to eat THAT?"
• "Wow, you eat a lot!"
• "How much weight have you gained? I only gained 3.2 lbs and I wore my bikini home from the hospital!"
• "Did you conceive naturally/in vitro/ with drugs, etc? Because there are LOTS of problems with those kids!"
• "You're not planning on having a C-section, right? If you do, you are less of a woman/mother/person, etc!"
• "Oh my god, you have CATS (or whatever pet you might have)! You know that they KILL BABIES, right?"
• "Oh my god, you live in an apartment? You will NEVER be able to raise a child there!"
• "You're not buying the latest and greatest doo-hickey for your kid? You will make a terrible parent!"
• "You don't have a name YET?!!"

While I realize most of these people have my best interests at heart, I honestly find pregnancy to be somewhat lonely and isolating. I also feel quite conspicuous and self conscious - people stare at me (some smile, others just look at me oddly). Most of my clothes are getting a bit tighter, and the belly is growing and rounding more each week. While both Alex and I are excited about the arrival of the little guy, we are also apprehensive, worried, and a host of other emotions that change on a daily basis. If we actually told you how we were feeling at the moment you asked, it could be anything. And then it would be awkward! And while I appreciate the advice and the "support", mostly, I just want to hear you say, "Wow, congratulations! I am so happy for you! How are you doing?".