- I'm not overjoyed, and my feelings are complicated. I'm excited, but I'm also terrified, nervous, experiencing regret, and concerned. Sometimes, I'm super excited. Other times I wonder how I will do it all? I know there isn't ever the "right" time to have a kid, but I just don't feel settled. We are close to paying off our debt, which is good, but we also have an enormous, looming debt hanging over us. We don't own a house, and the likelihood of that ever happening is slowly vaporizing. I realize having a child should not be entirely about financial situations, but these are some of my concerns.
- I don't feel sick, but I don't feel great. Some food just doesn't appeal to me at all. Other foods seems OK, but nothing is really like, YEAH, that sounds good to eat! Mostly, I've become a very picky eater, when I usually wasn't a picky eater at all before.
- I'm both starving and not hungry at the same time. I also get hungry at really weird times, like right after I ate dinner, or at 11am in the morning.
- I'm not exhausted, but I'm not running a marathon, either. I can walk just fine, but I get out of breath really easily, so running isn't exactly happening either. I'm sorta not sure what to do with myself, as walking has not really been a part of my exercise regime.
- I just feel bad, and I can't really explain it. It's hard because I started this job 6 months ago, and I will have to take some time off (of course, this is my right, but still...). I feel bad "jumping ship" on my boss, and I feel bad for changing the life that my husband and I are leading (yes, of course I know he had a part in this too). I feel bad feeling bad about this stuff. I feel bad having a kid and being so far away from my parents and my in-laws. I feel bad because I should feel overjoyed and happy and just overcome with joy, but I don't. Not yet, at least. I feel bad that Alex has to clean the cat boxes now. Emotions and feelings are complicated, yo.
- I'm drinking more water than I ever have in my life and I'm still constipated. The tummy pain is sometimes unbearable. The doctor suggested Metamucil. Joy. However, I will do ANYTHING to get rid of this pain!
- I'm a scientist, and a developmental biologist, specializing in everything that happens right after fertilization. You can betcha that I'm a nervous wreck about all the things that can go wrong (mostly because I know them). I'm specifically thinking about genetic diseases, Down's Syndrome and neural tube defects like spina bifida, but I'm also thinking about things that we don't understand like OCD and autism. The first trimester is when everything gets set up, and all the pieces are put in the right places, so I'm hoping that everything is being put in the right place. Alex says that development is robust, and he's right, but, per usual, my Type A personality wants everything to go perfectly well.
- I'm looking for any and all advice you might be willing to give. Websites you like, books that were good, and I'm also interested in nutrition and exercise during pregnancy, finding daycare, negotiating chores with your partner, etc. If anyone has any advice or thoughts on the process, please let me know. I'll love you forever!
- In the meantime, I am focusing on taking things one day at a time. I know there's a reason it takes 9 months, and I know that Alex and I are just embarking on our next big adventure together (which actually makes me feel a little bit better). Pregnancy and reproduction is something I have always wanted to experience, so I'm lucky to even get this far.
- And as far as announcements go, I'm not going to mention this on facebook or twitter until things are very far along mostly because the people who matter to me read this blog, and lots of people I don't really know anymore are friends with me on FB. I feel that, for now, I'd like to keep things off the social networking sites, at least for the time being.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I'm pregnant. I'm sure you probably already know this, as my Mom & Dad have been shouting it from the rooftops since I took the test last Sunday. It's still very early (due late Oct, early Nov), and I'm honestly a little overwhelmed by the situation. The pregnancy was confirmed this morning at a doctors appointment, and I will have another one in about 2 weeks. Since I'm a scientist, I thought I would chronicle some of the things I'm going through.