Thursday, February 28, 2013

The news

I'm pregnant. I'm sure you probably already know this, as my Mom & Dad have been shouting it from the rooftops since I took the test last Sunday. It's still very early (due late Oct, early Nov), and I'm honestly a little overwhelmed by the situation. The pregnancy was confirmed this morning at a doctors appointment, and I will have another one in about 2 weeks. Since I'm a scientist, I thought I would chronicle some of the things I'm going through.
  • I'm not overjoyed, and my feelings are complicated. I'm excited, but I'm also terrified, nervous, experiencing regret, and concerned. Sometimes, I'm super excited. Other times I wonder how I will do it all? I know there isn't ever the "right" time to have a kid, but I just don't feel settled. We are close to paying off our debt, which is good, but we also have an enormous, looming debt hanging over us. We don't own a house, and the likelihood of that ever happening is slowly vaporizing. I realize having a child should not be entirely about financial situations, but these are some of my concerns.
  • I don't feel sick, but I don't feel great. Some food just doesn't appeal to me at all. Other foods seems OK, but nothing is really like, YEAH, that sounds good to eat! Mostly, I've become a very picky eater, when I usually wasn't a picky eater at all before.
  • I'm both starving and not hungry at the same time. I also get hungry at really weird times, like right after I ate dinner, or at 11am in the morning. 
  • I'm not exhausted, but I'm not running a marathon, either. I can walk just fine, but I get out of breath really easily, so running isn't exactly happening either. I'm sorta not sure what to do with myself, as walking has not really been a part of my exercise regime. 
  • I just feel bad, and I can't really explain it. It's hard because I started this job 6 months ago, and I will have to take some time off (of course, this is my right, but still...). I feel bad "jumping ship" on my boss, and I feel bad for changing the life that my husband and I are leading (yes, of course I know he had a part in this too). I feel bad feeling bad about this stuff. I feel bad having a kid and being so far away from my parents and my in-laws. I feel bad because I should feel overjoyed and happy and just overcome with joy, but I don't. Not yet, at least. I feel bad that Alex has to clean the cat boxes now. Emotions and feelings are complicated, yo.
  • I'm drinking more water than I ever have in my life and I'm still constipated. The tummy pain is sometimes unbearable. The doctor suggested Metamucil. Joy. However, I will do ANYTHING to get rid of this pain!
  • I'm a scientist, and a developmental biologist, specializing in everything that happens right after fertilization. You can betcha that I'm a nervous wreck about all the things that can go wrong (mostly because I know them). I'm specifically thinking about genetic diseases, Down's Syndrome and neural tube defects like spina bifida, but I'm also thinking about things that we don't understand like OCD and autism. The first trimester is when everything gets set up, and all the pieces are put in the right places, so I'm hoping that everything is being put in the right place. Alex says that development is robust, and he's right, but, per usual, my Type A personality wants everything to go perfectly well.
  • I'm looking for any and all advice you might be willing to give. Websites you like, books that were good, and I'm also interested in nutrition and exercise during pregnancy, finding daycare, negotiating chores with your partner, etc. If anyone has any advice or thoughts on the process, please let me know. I'll love you forever!
  • In the meantime, I am focusing on taking things one day at a time. I know there's a reason it takes 9 months, and I know that Alex and I are just embarking on our next big adventure together (which actually makes me feel a little bit better). Pregnancy and reproduction is something I have always wanted to experience, so I'm lucky to even get this far. 
  • And as far as announcements go, I'm not going to mention this on facebook or twitter until things are very far along mostly because the people who matter to me read this blog, and lots of people I don't really know anymore are friends with me on FB. I feel that, for now, I'd like to keep things off the social networking sites, at least for the time being.  
Thanks for your love, folks. It means the world. xo


  1. Hey, sister, try not to worry so much. If I got Casey to the age of 2.5 with minimal help from either family or his dad, you know you can do it. That's the god's honest truth. And? We have tremendous debt so yeah.

    I used Fiber Choice chewable tablets and those seemed to help.

    Books: Vicki Iovine "Girlfriend's Guide to Surviving the First Year of Motherhood. I read it and it was very comforting. I imagine her pregnancy book would be as well.

    Don't feel bad about work. They'll get along fine without you and will probably be thrilled for you.

    Hang in there and know I'm only a text, phone call, email away if you need ANYTHING. I mean it. xoxo

  2. Hey dude! Congrats again!

    The prenatals i used had a stool softener - gross but true. helped with the constipation problem.

    For me, I did a lot of prenatal yoga and would highly recommend it for millions of reasons, but the two most important ones:

    1) you often feel alone when you're pregnant, you just do. but if you do this yoga with all these other pregnant ladies that feeling evaporates.

    2) a lot of weird shit happens to your body when you're knocked up. but when you are sitting around a room and everyone is listing off exactly the same problems it just helps.

    also it makes the birthing and walking and being pregnant easier.

    don't worry too much about feeling bad about all that stuff. it will pass and if it doesnt - there's not much you can do about it anyways. helpful, right?

    for the record, whatever record there is, i adored being pregnant. i felt great and had so much fun. and my first year of the buddy was in new york city with just me and mike, so we were really, really all on our own. you guys are going to be great.