Monday, June 10, 2013

Unintended Consequences of Pregnancy

There are some things I expected about pregnancy. The rounding belly, the fatigue, the difficulty moving/balancing, etc. There are other things I couldn't have anticipated. A short list follows:

  • Super vivid dreams: The other night I dreamt that I was being chased by masked gunmen. They fired on my boat (?) and shattered my window. I made it to safety (which was my house) and I proceeded to close and lock the inordinate number of doors and windows contained within my house. I also had attractive plaid flannel curtains. And then I just waited because I knew these gunmen were coming after me. And then I woke up and had to really convince myself that these event had not occurred. Last night, I had a dream that Alex got a tattoo on his upper back of the name "Rudy" spelled out in red, white and blue letters. I don't know a "Rudy" (except maybe Guiliani), so I have no idea what that was about.
  • Complete and total strangers telling me all about their birth stories. While I am super interested to hear other women tell me their stories, I feel like most people have a "cleaned up" version of their story (this involves mostly funny things, like how my Dad was talking airplanes with the doctor while my Mom was in labor), and maybe some minor incidental details of the birth. Then there's the "full disclosure", which involved things like "mucus plugs", "blood", "birth canal", "cervix dilation", etc. Most of my friends have been kind enough to share the cleaned up versions of their birth, and only reveal the full disclosure stuff if I ask detailed questions. I appreciate this. I think that our society is already a little to "full disclosure" anyways, so I appreciate people holding back the details, especially since this is an experience that I will have to go through, no matter what. No need to get alarmed because someone else had a complication, right? Then, there's the woman I occasionally see in the hallway. I always say "Hi" to her, but I don't really know her (I don't think I even know her name). She regaled me last week with tales of her 6-day(!) long labor, the blood in her birth canal and the fact that, even though the "tried really hard", her husband could never give her a son. Holy moses. I had to sit down after that one. 
  • Men catcalling me. I mean, what? I used to get catcalled in Philly all the time. There was so much construction, and lots of people on the street, so I used to get some serious running commentary on my body. It kinda bothered me, to be honest, because there is nothing you can do about it. To engage them would just be asking for more catcalling. So, I usually ignored it. However, in the last couple weeks (since I think that I now look unmistakably pregnant), I've been getting lots of intense glances, winks, catcalls, wolf whistles and commentary. What on earth is this about? I am clearly pregnant with another man's child, and you think that your commentary will make me change my mind about my marriage and run off with you? I have no idea what this is all about, but it makes me SUPER uncomfortable. I wish I had a very long fist that I could just reach across the street and punch them in the nose.
  • Big feet. I mean, I knew that my feet could grow. I am pretty sure I read that somewhere. I guess I just thought it meant that my feet would swell. So far, I don't have any noticeable foot swelling. However, I just took my nail polish off my toes and my toenails have white bruises all over them. Alex thinks it's because my shoes are too small. Ugh, another potential expense. 

1 comment:

  1. First of all, men always want what they can't have so that solves that.
    Secondly, do not buy new shoes. It's a waste. Your feet will go back to normal. All preggos resort to flip flops. Just look at Kim Kardashian.